Kylie Minogue: practising the royal wave

He should be so lucky: is Prince Andrew really dating Kylie?
This week in The Royals: an Australian gossip magazine reckons Andy is ‘100% smitten’ with the princess of pop. Meanwhile, William has been catching up with Lady Gaga on the family FaceTime terminal

As a devotee of high-camp drama, I am thrilled the royal family are now dating the sort of people who might cameo as royal dates in The Royals. This is the equivalent of Cameron Diaz being reduced to taking scripts calling for “a Cameron Diaz type”. If you’re Cameron’s agent, you’re far from happy about it, of course – but then, neither you nor I rep the Windsors, and can simply enjoy the show.

Kylie Minogue: practising the royal wave? Photograph: Antonelli//Rex/Shutterstock
Kylie Minogue: practising the royal wave? Photograph: Antonelli//Rex/Shutterstock

There is Prince Harry’s Meghan Markle, who in The Royals would play a brilliant neurosurgeon who captivates the prince, but in real life is going to remind us that American women and their American ways don’t always foreshadow a crisis for the Windsors, and amusement for the rest of us.

Meanwhile, the latest batshit rumour to attend the actual royal family has surfaced in Australia, where a magazine asserts that Prince Andrew has been quietly dating none other than Kylie Minogue.

Kylie Minogue: practising the royal wave?
Kylie Minogue: practising the royal wave? Photograph: Antonelli//Rex/Shutterstock

1. Can this possibly be true?

2. Does a desperate nation staring down the barrel of yet another election really have to establish veracity before pinning its every hope of diversion on it?

Prince William, Kate Middleton (wearing Armani) and Prince Harry attended the official opening of The Global Academy
Prince William, Kate Middleton (wearing Armani) and Prince Harry attended the official opening of The Global Academy

Probably not. So while none of the political parties has yet made a manifesto commitment to put a tax on dreaming, let us place all our faith in … hang on, let me get my reading glasses on … ah yes, New Idea magazine, which assures its readers that Prince Andrew has broken off from being choppered between golf courses at your expense to form an intense romantic bond with Kylie Minogue. It has been going on for months, apparently.

“At the moment they’re inseparable,” says an anonymous source. “Andrew is 100% smitten.” As well he might be. Even for a man who always grins like he’s just won a competition to be Prince Andrew, this would be the big one. Not only is it Kylie – KYLIE! – but as a serious Princess of Pop, she is probably the ranking royal here.

Unbelievably, there’s only a nine-year-age gap, which in any normal circumstances would make you look at Andrew and say: “Oof, he must have had a hard paper round.” Not in this case, obviously. Perhaps Kylie can get him some “help” with his manscaping, like Liz Hurley did with Shane Warne.

I think my favourite confected quote in the entire story is from the “Palace insider”, who apparently tells the magazine: “Kylie is someone that Her Majesty would welcome into the royal family with open arms. Everyone’s hoping this romance goes the distance.”

Majestic. More realistically, you can see Kylie getting a three-episode story arc, before being downgraded to someone who might be required to Facetime a fuming Princess Anne for Unicef sometime in the early 2020s.

Prince William, Kate Middleton (wearing Armani) and Prince Harry attended the official opening of The Global Academy
Prince William, Kate Middleton (wearing Armani) and Prince Harry attended the official opening of The Global Academy

For now, Prince William is using the family FaceTime terminal, and was this week shown contacting Lady Gaga through it to discuss mental health, as part of the #oktosay campaign to encourage talking, which is being supported by him, his wife and Prince Harry. Gaga was in her kitchen; William was in the drawing room he and Kate entertained President Obama in (you know, the one with the big painting bearing the label The Negro Page). I couldn’t get through the entire William/Gaga exchange, I’m afraid, lacking the requisite mental fortitude. But at least I’m not as unsupportive as Theresa May, who – about 10 minutes after the video had dropped – thought it was #oktosay there was going to be a snap election, thus drowning it in a tide of political news.

All in all, though, a lively week in celebrity for the royals. It must all be getting a bit après moi le déluge for the Queen, of course, but perhaps the youngsters know best.

Source: theguardian com

Tags: Prince Andrew, Prince Harry, Meghan Markle, Kylie, Wedding, Engagement